A Moment of Truth

The surgery will be in less than 12 hrs. I have to get up in approximately 7 hrs to go to the hospital with her. As much as everyone tells us that it's a "standard procedure" and that everything will be okay, a part of me still can't help but worry a little. I seem fine and I feel fine. But I also feel I'm suppressing a lot of fears deep inside and am hoping it will somehow vanish from within. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I've always been deadly afraid of losing my mom and have gone over possible scenarios way too many times. In my mind, it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I always try to think out the worst possible way a situation can end in hopes that I'll somehow be able to cope with it better if it does so happen. But I don't think it'll work. Here's to hoping it won't need to.

But at this point, I think how I handle this situation will boil down to how strong is my faith? I trust that God will take care of us and pray that God's will be done. It's just that I'm afraid what God wills might not go very well with my liking. Afterall, God is pretty good with the surprises. All I ask is that He'll prepare me with whatever is ahead and equip me with what I'll need to get through. Right now, strength and courage would come in real handy.

I just came back from meeting the band that will be playing at my wedding. A dear friend of mine plays with musicians from different churches and had offered to play for us. And as they were doing their sharing about the Lord's Prayer, I was reminded that I don't praise God enough in my daily life a I ought to. Nor do I seek His will or the guidance of the Holy Spirit often. But it was a great reminder and I'm so glad to have met them. It makes me that much more excited. I am so thrilled to have them play! They are such talented musicians yet very humble and passionate. I felt very humbled just being in their amidst and listening. It makes such a big difference because to me, I'd much rather spend more effort to make sure that the praise & worship will be excellent, rather than wasting time on silly decorations and materialistic things. Why? Because I know that their passion and praises will be far more contagious and make a much bigger statement than any flowers or fancy decor can. I can't think of a better way to show our guests that the foundation and center of our wedding & marriage is our amazing God. Because without Him, there would be no "us". There are millions of things we could say or preach at our guests but I really do think that music might be the best way.

Please let me get some good rest tonight so that I can be physically prepared for what's ahead this week. And I'll try my best to surrender to God. No more fighting.

Our Father in heaven
Hallowed be your name
Your kingdom come; Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debters
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from the evil one.