Reciprocity

Alas, I knew another entry was overdue. Did this month ever go by fast! I can barely remember what happened before this month started. In fact, I don't think I can quite recall the events of last week! The holiday craze has definitely rubbed off on me (in a bad way, though). Ever since I went back on my "I-refuse-do-any-Christmas-shopping-this-year" and took a visit to WEM yesterday, I've found myself to be a little frazzled and overwhelmed.

I find myself frustrated because once you start thinking about presents, it's like opening a can of worms. And it really shouldn't be like that but I am so upset that I can't figure out what to get for people. Especially family! I personally find it kind of messed up because the whole point of getting someone something is so that they'll be happy and hopefully enjoy it. But if that person didn't get you a gift, they will probably feel inclined to get you something in return. I'm stuck on the latter situation at this point.. and Christmas Eve is.. tomorrow. The thing with me is that if I'm going to do something, it has to be good. Which means I probably won't be able to live it down if I gave someone something random that I had convieniently picked up. And with family, well the pressure to give something thoughtful and special multiplies. So perhaps I might just give in and let Cyrus pick the gifts. Afterall, they are his family. I figured I can let myself off the hook since I've been nice this year.

My frustration also stems from my lack of "Christmas spirit" this year. It doesn't feel like Christmas because all that people are talking about are gifts, gifts, gifts and more shopping. Bah humbug. My only real picker-upper was our carolling adventure and helping our friends set-up their tree (which, sadly fell down today. how ironic). Or perhaps I just need to take a little time and refocus. So instead of stopping by the mall on my home as I had intended to, I think I'll just go straight home and take a little time-out to sit with God for a while. And then I can look forward to prayer meeting, which has surprisingly really grown on me.

Sometimes, I wonder if people realize what a blessing it really is to have a consistant group of prayer warriors in the church who spends the time to pray for them every week. I remember what assurance it was while I was away on mission trips knowing that I have people back home (both homes) praying for me. I'm honestly grateful for our pastor's emphasis on prayer these past few months. As redundant as the topic may seem, I have been pretty blown away by how powerful prayer is - even in our everyday lives. It's comforting to know that God not only listens but He answers. It totally makes sense! If God listens to our little things (relatively-speaking), how much more will He respond to our big things! It's also kind of like how if we learn to train ourselves to hand over the little things to God, when something big hits, we'll know what to do even when we're panicking or breaking.

Isn't it neat how everything seem to balance itself out? Being a Libra, it makes sense why I'm so sensitive to things being in balance and harmony. But I'm starting to see that our lives aren't weighed out on one of those Equal Arm Beam scales. It's more like, our lives can be laid out on a giant round board with piles of stuff all over, each representing the different aspects of our lives. As soon as one thing shifts, the whole board tilts and our world begins to whirl. But the best part is, all you need is God in the middle and everything is stablized. And what's even better? God doesn't work by reciprocity.