As we welcome in the Year of the Ox, I realize that a bunch of the Ox's are getting married this year. It's still a little hard to believe it's 2009 already. In fact, we're at the end of January already! While others are wishing time would fast forward to their big day, I'm kind of wanting to pause. I'm not sure what's the matter with me lately but my energy level has been hanging around the minimum zone - most days it sits at the zero mark. In fact, I'm struggling to focus and be productive at work and even my appetite has vanished. Something is definitely wrong with me. My body has been protesting ever since the freeze started. I've been trying a healthier diet and even started hitting up the gym again but nothing seems to be working. Guess I'm overdue for another visit to the clinic. The idea of tests still scares me. Now that I've gotten the blood work out of the way, I suppose I might as well finish it. I hope they can figure out what's wrong with me.
Good news is that much of the stress has faded. I think it's finally sunk in that no matter how polished the little details are or how much we try to plan in advance, things won't be perfect. As long as everyone who needs to be there will there, I'm not too worried. So I've narrowed my focus on the guestlist. Although I've freaked out a few times over it, I've accepted that we can only do so much to try. But in the end, things will still go wrong but things will somehow fall into place regardless. I'm trying not think about it too much. In fact, is it weird that I've never dreamt or thought out how the wedding will be? Is it true or just a myth that girls actually sit around and dream about how their wedding day will be? Some girls supposedly already know what colours, what flowers and all the details of their wedding before they even find their significant other.
Sometimes, having to worry about how much everything costs really dampens the whole occasion. But I'm kind of glad we're poor so that we can't justify splurging.. on anything. Ever since I got started on missions, I don't think I can ever justify wasting money on fancy little things when I can pool the money for the fields. Speaking of which, I'm tempted to give up going on our honeymoon just so we can serve overseas this summer. But somehow I'm questioning whether I'm wanting to go for the right reasons. Lately I've felt somewhat useless, which is odd because I thought I've grown out of that phase for a while. I think I really really miss being at WAC.
This weekend should be interesting. It'll be nice to get out of Edmonton, even if it's just Calgary. I think this session will prove to be very useful and much needed. After finishing the first readings, I'm starting to question myself of whether I realize what I'm getting myself into. Am I really ready to be a "minister's wife"? Can anyone ever be ready for something like this? If I weren't so opposed to gamling, I would bet that there will definitely be waterworks during this session.
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