Drowning

There is a Chinese proverb about a man who is submerged in water up to his eyebrows without realizing how deep in trouble he is. It just all of a sudden hit me and I feel as stupid as that man in the water. Life has not slowed down one bit since the wedding. Come to think of it, I can't exactly remember what life was like when it wasn't busy. And I guess that was what led me to my epiphany - life does not stop. It's simple enough. Nothing profound. But to me, it awoken something deep inside of me.

Last week, I found out that one of my friends was in the hospital fighting for his life. His soccer game went well until he scored a goal and was side checked which ended with him cracking his skull on the cement floor. The worse part wasn't that he had several open brain surgeries done on him because of the blood and swelling inside or the fact that his dad have been fighting cancer for the last few years. When my friend woke up, he wasn't concerned about his family or his condition. His anger was not over what the other soccer play did. He wanted to get out of the hospital because there was too much work that needs to be done.

It was such a sigh of relieve to find that my friend was okay. But hearing the rest just broke my heart. What a reality check. Aren't the rest of us just as stressed out over life and all the things that we have to do? But if even something so critical can't stop life, why are we wasting our time worrying over small things that seem so big? Perhaps from a non-believer's point of view, it's difficult to prioritize and figure out what is worthy of our time. In fact, there's never enough time to accomplish our never-ending to-do-lists. But as Christians, shouldn't God's work be our priority? Even so, that can also get a little over-whelming for those of us who give so much time serving in the church and in various ministries.

So what am I trying to say? We forget the little things that keep us sane. Despite how crazy this year has been, I've found that throughout this time, I've been spending a lot more time with God than ever before. Maybe it's because I realized how little I can do by relying on my own strength alone and just how much we need God in every capacity of our lives. The minute I sacrifice my alone time or my "me time" with God, it does so much more damage than I would like to admit. So as I prolong the denial stage, it gets that much more difficult to get back on my feet again.

This year, my new resolution/revelation is realizing the need to connect with the Holy Spirit and learning to tune in to His teachings. For a while, I've been questioning why it felt like I've become stagnant in my walk. It's not like I've been living apart from God, but why has it been plateauing? To me it came as a little more than strange since I still consider myself somewhat of a "new Christian". I'm not suppose to hit this stage so soon! But I guess 5 years is a fairly long time (not that you can figure out where someone is in their walk based on how many years of being a believer). I think this revelation came just in time for me to get myself together before the Mexico Trip. Although I'm physically and mentally tired, I'm so psyched for this! From my previous experiences, I know that no matter how much or how little we try to prepare, God will make the most of us and the most important part is that we go with an open mind and willing heart. Somehow, God always takes cares of the rest.

Let me end with this incredibly brilliant verse and chorus from Casting Crowns:

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
//Slow Fade

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
- Proverbs 4:23