A Father's Day Secret

I have a confession to make. Every year, for the past 5 years, I have come to secretly dread the arrival of Father's Day. Why? Because every year the same thing happens. While everyone celebrates and we all count our blessings, I sit at the pew each year in tears, devastated knowing that my own father will end up in hell. It breaks my heart every year. It's almost 3am and I still cannot sleep. I'm praying and hoping this year the water works won't be quite so bad.

And it saddens me how so many Christians take for granted the fact that they are able to grow up in a Christian home (no matter however sheltered they may be or how trapped they may feel). Many of them fail to realize the freedom they have in Christ or how blessed they really are to not have to worry that their parents or siblings are not going to escape the fires of hell until they realize and accept the love of Christ (which may seem like such a frail hope).

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready to go out, it dawned on me that it will be Father's Day in a day's time. As I reflected on the daunting truth, my eyes started to water as I fought to keep back the tears. Just then, Jon Waller's While I'm Waiting came on the radio and I just lost it. I fell to my knees and cried until all I could do was resound the lyrics with my heart. Lately, this song has had such an impact on me. It pulls all the pain back to me at once yet it's so comforting and encouraging at the same time. It brings me out of all the stages of denial, anger, depression and bargaining with God and into acceptance. I find such release and relief after confessing to God and allowing Him to begin healing me.

Afterwards, God put an urge in my heart to write a letter to my dad. And so the whole day, I tried to come up with the words. (I even typed it out in Chinese.) I have done my part and now I leave the rest in God's hand. I'm trying to warn myself that what ever happens, God has His plans and I need to trust & obey.

I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently,
I. will. wait.