in transition

Somehow, I've already lost track of time. It doesn't feel like we've been in Edmonton for 3 days already. Although it probably has a lot to do with being stuck in Calgary for a day n a half because of the snow. These past few days have been somewhat of a blur and lots of ups and downs. I've been quite torn, which explains why it feels like I'm dangling on a string between Vancouver and Edmonton, and all that goes with the two. I knew that it would be hard and I've already been warned, but it still hit me like a brick.

God has been gracious. Yet being met with a snow storm on our way up was not the greatest welcome. Neither were the stresses and pressures that followed. Ever since the drive up, both Cyrus and I have been quite edgy. Not being able to get enough rest has definitely made things worse. It got tougher and tougher to stay calm and try to think on the positive side. I pretty much reached my limit around Sunday. I know it wasn't such a big deal but I think the pressure from trying to cope with the changes and being expected to jump right back into the Edmonton life kind of killed me.


Overall, I still feel like God has been stretching me a little more than I had expected and definitely more than I would have liked. This whole take-life-one-step-at-a-time is draining the life out of me. It's been a tough training; I have a hard time fighting with myself. I can't stand not knowing what will happen next, where I'll go, what I'll do, how I'll prepare. It drives me crazy feeling so unprepared for what's to come. Just when I thought I was staring to have this being-patient thing down, God smacks me upside the head and I am utterly humbled, all over again. I'm struggling to find a happy medium between being confident and laying low. Unfortunately, I seem to be bouncing from extreme to extreme. I guess Mexico is going to be like Panama in the sense that I need to figure when I need to step up and take action, and when to sit still and let others have their turn to learn and to grow. What's it gonna take?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:33-34

There has been times when I feel somewhat alone and wonder why God hasn't given me the means to deal with what I'm going through. At the same time, I realize that He wants to stretch me. I know greater challenges lie ahead and it's a great blessing to be called to labour for His kingdom... but man, it sure is tough. It feels like I'm being forced to grow up... a little too quickly. But history have shown that I learn best by being thrown in the fire. Boy oh boy, this next year will sure be exciting. Hello, future of the unknown.

*
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

Switchfoot || Dare You to Move